My mother’s recent inquiry about E’s dress (“She is turning ONE, you have to go out and buy her a dress, what kind of mother are you?”) made me realise that despite my regular attempts, I won’t ever fit ‘the box’. The box for the perfect daughter, mother, wife, friend, colleague and who knows what else. Somehow, a piece of me will always stay outside the symmetry of the pre-designed shape. I simply don’t fit the main stream and contrary to my youth, I am okay with it now.
So rather than spending a useless afternoon in crowded stores looking for a dress that my daughter would wear once only to spill milk and cake over it, we will go to the park together to feed the ducks. Rather than buying her anything revolutionary from the Toys-R-Us top 10 catalog, we settle for the good old all-time winner: a huge teddy bear.
The one thing I WILL focus on is to make E happy on her birthday. By being together, all four of us. By baking my one and only baby cake with apples from the scratch (deep at night, after I returned from my evening run). By singing all the baby songs we have learned and reading our favourite books. May be even by racing the wind together with our Baby Jogger…
No, I am not ready to make nice.